How do you lose someone you love, to death.
I don't know, but I am. Someone dear to my heart, a sister to me is dying and I can't do a thing about it. I've prayed, begged God for her to be healed and yet thus far she continues to fall prey to this horrible disease. I've been losing her for 3 years. I've watched a perky, bright intelligent woman need help to do the little things in life and somehow she has never become bitter or angry. I don't see how, I am. Unless there is some miracle she is coming to the end of her life here on Earth. She told a few of us the other day that she felt that God was calling her home early. I cried. She said she was happy about it. I know that is only a peace that God can give someone in that place. I can't imagine my life without her. We were going to have kids together, I was going to try and get one of mine to marry hers so we could really be related! I can look back on the past 12 or so years that we have been friends and I am so grateful for every moment I have had with her. We have lived together twice, take several road trips together and she has been my confidant and rock. My friend has totally changed my taste in decorating and encouraged me in ways of art, beauty and God. She has changed my life.
So how do you lose someone you love? I don't know. I do a little every day. Sometimes I am fine, sometimes I break out in tears at the worst times. Some days I just feel horribly sad.
She wouldn't want me to lose myself in it. She would tell me to go on, be happy, make art and have babies. She would.
I am not sure where this blog is headed this year or even if many people will read it but I feel compelled to give it more attention and share what's on my heart.
Have you watched someone you love die?
How did you deal with it?
Love, Mary Jane
(This blog is dedicated to my sweet Rachel)
I don't know if you remember Anthony dying, but he was a close friend of mine, we dated before I moved back to Iowa, and he was such an innocent person. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was shot and killed. It was devastating. Emotionally and spiritually. I felt like God hadn't heard my prayers. All the things people say in the face of these things didn't make any sense: "God has a plan," etc. I never saw any good come of it, no one came to Christ (that I know of...) it was just a tragic loss of a good kid in his prime. He was 17 I believe. All I can say is be thankful for the chance to say goodbye. That is priceless and beautiful, and tragic and heartbreaking. <3
ReplyDeleteMJ, You are such a purely good person. We love you for all that you are. You have been all the things that you describe for Rachel. I hope that you realize that. You make me see a lot of my shortcomings as a human. Thank you, ma'am.
ReplyDeleteI lost a husband of 16 years. Like Rachel, we knew he wouldn't be with us long, but he surprised us with 16 years. The only thing I can tell you is that it's hard--really hard. But also worth the pain. Eventually you heal, and all the wonderful memories take over the difficult ones. You will think of her every day. And smile. And cry. And have babies. <3
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